April showers bring May flowers

I realize that this is meant as a literal statement as a majority of flowers bloom in late Spring, but for me, it makes more sense this year as a metaphorical one. As April gets nearer to coming to a close some of my favorite flowers, tulips, magnolias, and peonies, are reaching fruition. But with May comes the blooming of so much promise. I'll receive the decision about whether I've been accepted into a study abroad program for the Spring of 2020, finish my second year of college, have my 20th birthday. The month of May comes with a lot of blessings, a lot of endings, new beginnings, and scariest of them - a lot of uncertainty. I’ve struggled as of late with uncertainty, fighting for the pseudo-control I have over my life, realizing at the end that all I can do is try and to appreciate the times when my efforts are rewarded and to learn from the times that they aren’t. That so often the work you put in is met with a negative, or more often, no answer at all. That life is all about the ways in which you choose to apply yourself and that your time is the one thing that you have the most choice in spending. I’m trying to change the way I spend my time so that I spend more of it doing things that I enjoy, that inspire me, and that makes me feel as if life is one day at a time instead of weeks, months, or years going by in a blur of nights sitting on the couch binging Game of Thrones, and the Marvel universe. That doesn’t mean I’ll suddenly stop watching these things because let’s be honest, TV is a thing that most of us enjoy, just that I don’t want technology (as a way to pass time aimlessly) to be a cornerstone of my life.

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